Skip to main content

River Trip Prologue

 


In late July, Lisa texted me.  Do you and Scott want to do a river trip in mid-September?

I immediately replied.  Yes.  Me, Scott, you, Brett, and Shannon?

Yes, was her reply.  

Then THAT DAY happened.  

Even through Infinite Sadness and Despair, I knew in the first week after THAT DAY that I still wanted to go on the river.  I, along with the two dogs, always rode in the boat with Scott.  Lisa and Brett would have their boat.  Shannon, Scott's best friend, would have his boat.  I found myself without a boat.  

On one of the many sleepless nights in that first week after THAT DAY, I was talking with Shannon on the phone.  

"I have a question, and I realize it's a pretty big ask," I said quietly.

"Ok," Shannon answered.

"I still want to go on the river.  Will you row the dogs and me?"

There was the tiniest bit of hesitation before Shannon answered, "Absolutely.  If you want to go on the river, let's go."

We talked about how the river was Scott's favorite place to be, how neither of us would have gotten into river stuff if it hadn't been for Scott, how he would be disappointed if we didn't go.  I also knew that this trip could be an absolute train wreck.  I could be a sobbing mess for the entire week.  I had never done a river trip without Scott, and I had never ridden on anyone else's boat aside from Scott's.  Now I was asking Shannon, who normally had his boat all to himself, to row not only me, but also my two dogs down the river.  Add to that the very real possibility that I could be a puddle of tears for seven straight days.  The potential for Terrible River Trip was adding up quickly.

In the weeks leading up to the trip, Lisa mentioned many times that I could change my mind at any point.  We didn't have to go if I didn't feel good about it.  We weren't committed to it.  We had time to change plans.  I could decide the day before that I didn't want to go, and it would be fine.  My friend Carol offered to come pick me up at the put-in if I had a last-minute change of heart.  Shannon was referring to it as "the sad trip."  I was not excited about it, but I knew we had to go.  I knew that if that day came around and we weren't getting ready to launch, we would all be full of regrets.  

The week of departure, I was texting with my best friend, Denise.  

Are you excited for the river trip? she asked.

No.  Not at all, actually.  I have no idea how it's going to go, I replied.  

I think Brett, Lisa, and Shannon were all expecting me to change my mind at the last minute, or hoping that I would.  But I didn't.  

Shannon arrived a few days before our departure so we could get his boat ready and loaded.  We were visiting one evening about the upcoming trip.  He expressed a bit of hesitation.

"I know," I agreed.  "I don't know what this will look like.  It could be nothing but Infinite Sadness and Despair for the entire week."

"Mmm-hmm," he agreed.  "But I invited someone else, too."  He smiled.

"Who?" I asked, smiling back.

"Joy," he answered.  "I invited Joy."

I nodded.  "I hope she can join us."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Beginning

  "I just need a copy of your insurance card," I heard the office manager say as I walked down the hallway toward the waiting room. "I gave it to them next door.  Can't you get it from them?" a male voice replied. I grimaced as I continued toward the waiting room.  The physical therapy office where I worked was in the same building as an orthopedic surgeon's clinic.  Most people assumed we were the same business.  The office manager had to clarify multiple times a day that we were two separate businesses, and the repetition made her cranky.   As I reached the waiting room, I listened to her icily launch into her speech about how the two businesses were separate and we needed our own copy of the insurance.  I stopped and waited for her to finish, looking at the back of the man standing in front of her window.  He was tall, with broad shoulders, thick hair. and muscular calves.   After the manager finished her tirade, the man shrugged...
Post a Comment
Read more

Spaghetti

  Scott and I had been dating for about a month.  He lived in Darby, and I lived in Lolo, so we usually either met halfway in between for dinner or he would drive to Missoula and meet me somewhere for dinner after work.  One sunny spring Saturday at the end of April, Scott invited me to his house in Darby.   I had not been, and vaguely knew where Darby was.  When he told me he lived in Darby, I thought for a moment, then asked, "That's the place with the candy store, yeah?" That Saturday afternoon, I got in my car and drove to Darby.  As I got further down the valley and closer to his house, I felt my world shift again.  Something about this felt significant, just as it did when we were walking side by side down the hallway.  Something about this felt BIG.   As I pulled into his driveway, he strode out of the house wearing his boyish grin.  When I got out of my car, he wrapped me in a bear hug and lifted me off my feet, and we ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Pull It Out

I gasped.  I knew something was wrong.  I gasped again, forced a slow exhale.  Another gasp.  I couldn't gain traction.  I had to get out of the puddle.  Dimly, my mind realized there was no pain.  Something just felt wrong.  Gasp, forced slow exhale.  I hesitantly reached up and touched my shoulder, where my arm should have connected to my body.  My arm was there, only a few inches lower than it should have been.  Another gasp. We were four and a half miles from the trailhead at the end of a three-day backpacking trip.  It had been a wonderful and challenging journey from the beginning.  The weeks-long hot spell had finally broken, and my two friends, Lisa and Rebecca, and I jumped at the chance to hit the trails for some forest time.  We had four dogs between the three of us, all females.  This was a girls' trip on all accounts.  The forecast called for intermittent rain showers, so we came prepared with r...
Post a Comment
Read more